If viewing on Mobile please Scroll Down to Read My Journey.
Please select a Music Track below on mobile and to right on a web browser to listen to whilst reading.
Please listen to ‘I Thought About Killing You’ and ‘Yikes’ by Kanye West. . Articulates what it is like to have Bipolar. He is a Creative Genius. One of the bonuses of having Bipolar.
Please listen to ‘Pscho’ by Dave and ‘Sad’ by Miraa May. Both songs are about their mental health.
The rest of the songs reflect my current Positive mental state. Please Enjoy
Part 1 - Bipolar and Psychiatry
I have Bipolar Type 2 which can be seen as a Gift and a Curse. Kanye West also has Bipolar as do many highly creative people. Please listen to his song about his Bipolar and his Negative Suicidal Thoughts. It’s articulated brilliantly.
Bipolar is a Gift because when I am Well I am Super Creative, very Sociable and very Productive. The flip side is that when I feel LowI I Feel Extremely Low. To the point where all my intelligence turns against me and I am placed in constant Suffering and Anguish. The Suffering is so Intense it makes you want to take your life as living has become so Hard.
The Extreme Mood Swings can be very disruptive and frustrating however it showed me that as a Person I am Unique as I can experience the whole spectrum of emotions to the Fullest. The goal is to find Balance and Stability to lead a truly Joyful and Settled life.
I tried Everything Possible to remedy my Bipolar Disorder but Nothing helped me. All the Medications I was given such as Mood Stabilisers, Anti-Depressants and Anti-Psychotics simply did not help. In fact they proved to make me Worse as it squashed ALL my Creativity and Energy. That was until I discovered ‘The London Psychiatry Centre’ led by Consultant Psychiatrist Dr Andy Zamar who discovered people with Bipolar Disorder have a faulty gene which does not allow them to convert Thyroid Hormone properly. My Doctor told me that Psychiatrists had been looking in the wrong place for years. They were focussing on the Brain Chemistry and not the Thyroid which is responsible for Mood and Energy.
I did a simple Gene Test to discover that I indeed had the Faulty Gene. Now I am taking 600mcg Levothyroxine. The legal limit is 250mcg to treat hypothyroidism but there is No Limit when treating Bipolar Disorder. You go up in dose slowly until you reach your Maximum. You need to have weekly ECG’S (Electrocardiogram) and Blood Tests to see if everything is ok at those High Doses of Thyroid Hormone. For me that was 600mcg for others it can be anywhere between 300-1000mcg Levothyroxine. However this alone was not enough to treat my extremely disruptive Manic Mixed Depressive State. For that I needed ‘Verapamil’ Blood Pressure Medication which has shown in research to be 100% effective in treating Mania and 30% for Depression. It’s even safe to give pregnant woman.
In addition, the Gene Test 🧬 I did revealed I had problems with Serotonin and Dopamine. My Doctor assured once my Thyroid is functioning properly it will fix those issues. Furthermore the Test Results revealed that I cannot convert Melatonin Sleep Hormone properly therefore I need to simply supplement my Melatonin every night with 5mg Slow Release Melatonin and now I sleep deeply and properly. It is available to buy at Amazon.com (United States - International Delivery Available)
I go into a deep sleep within an hour and wake up feeling fully Refreshed and Recharged. Sleep is very important for people with Bipolar Disorder. If their sleep is disturbed it completely disrupts their Circadian Rhythm and as a result their disturbed sleep can cause Mood Swings. Regular sleep, 6-8 hours a night, can help regulate your Bipolar Disorder and keep it under control and In-Order. A Fitbit Watch can monitor the Quantity and Quality of your Sleep .It’s very important to monitor your Mood in relation to the Quanity and Qaulity of sleep you are receiving. Available to buy from Amazon.co.uk
Furthermore my Doctor wanted to change the Neural Pathways in my Brain with rTMS which stands for ‘Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation’. It is a Harmless Treatment with No Side Effects but it is very expensive. The goal with rTMS is to create Nueroplasticity in the Brain which aims to create New Positive Pathways. I did 90 sessions (3x The regular amount) which cost £400 per session. My Father spent over £36,000 on just rTMS and it never worked. In Total my dear Father spent over £100,000 in Doctors fees and my Mental Health Care. However even then I was still Not Well.
Part 2 - Psilocybin
That’s until I discovered the book ‘How to Change your Mind’ by Michael Pollen. He is an Award-Winning Journalist and Author. In the book he talks about the current Psychedelic Renaissance in Science. It showed me the History, safety of plant medicines and the current Science on Psychedelics. It is a Must Read before one takes any Psychedelic. Science now shows us that when one takes Psilocybin the DMN (Default Mode Network) in the Brain becomes OFFLINE. This is important for Healing as that is the part of Brain which is responsible for Overthinking, thinking about the Self, Rumination and even Sucidal Thoughts. When your DMN goes Offline you experience a from of Ego Death. It may sound scary loosing your Ego but what it means is that during a Psilocybin trip you no longer Identify with your Body, Mind or Ego. You experience the wonderful Space in-between. You no longer Identify with Any-Thing and that is True Freedom and Liberation. Parts of the Brain that do not usually Communicate with each other start to do so when under Psilocybin. This is why it is suspected that Psilocybin creates Neurogenesis, growth of new Brain Cells and also Neuroplasticity which makes your Brain more malleable for Positive Change.
It just happened randomly that I saw an email in which a woman who I know well called Mariah Johanna based in Amsterdam sold these legal Psilocybin-Ayahuasca chocolates. I was so Hopeless with my Mental Health that it got to the point where I literally had nothing to loose. I was completely Sucidal and I did not want to be Alive. So I took the Chocolates without telling my Psychiatrist and it was the Best Thing I Have Done For My Mental Health!
I took 8 chocolates and it was the most Healing experience I have ever had over the course of 12 hours. I genuinely believe the Psilocybin had a real Nueroplastic effect in my Brain. My Doctor was trying to achieve Nueroplasticity through the means of the very expensive rTMS treatment which did not work. Taking the Psilocybin most definitely had a Nueroplastic effect on my Brain. It completely transformed my Mental Health. I feel Re-Wired. I took the chocolates over 3 Months ago now and I still feel
Fully Reset on All Levels: Mentally, Physically, Energetically and Spiritually.
One should only do a High Dose Ceremony Once Every Six Months, this is according to Dr James Fadiman who wrote ‘The Psychedelic Explorers Guide’. This is due to its Nueroplastic effects. You need time to fully Integrate the life changing experience it may produce. Work on your New Positive Neural Pathways with Yoga and Meditation.
Part 3 - Yoga and 'Inner Engineering'
One does not necessarily need to take Psilocybin to receive the same Positive Benefits and Outcomes. One Simply has to Commit to Daily Yoga Practice. You will start to experience that wonderful, blissful Space in-between your Body and your Mind. 'Inner Engineering' offered by Sadhguru is a powerful Tool that can completely transform your Life. You will be free of all Compulsions and Suffering. You will be able to Engineer you own Blissful Chemicals. You literally produce your own Endocannabinoid called Anandamide (Bliss Molecule) which attaches to your Endocannabinoid System. You can literally get High On Your Own Supply by doing ‘Inner Engineering’ with Sadhguru. Drugs and Alcohol will not be needed when you can produce your very own Blissful Chemicals Naturally through Meditation.
Yoga completely transformed my Mental Health and Well-Being. More specifically Isha Yoga from Sadhguru, an Enlightened Yogi and Mystic. He says in Yoga there are Only Three Bodies that you have some control over. Your:
If these Three Bodies are in Alignment one will be free from all Dis-ease and Suffering. There are only two types of Suffering we experience, Physical and Mental. What Yoga shows you is that You are Not Your Body and Not even Your Mind. You are The Source Of Your Creation holding it All together. The Body belongs to You but can never ever be You. The Mind belongs to You but can never be You. If you no longer Identify with the Body and Mind then you no longer identify with their Suffering.
Your Body and Mind are just your Accumulations and You are Not your Accumulations. You are Not All that you have gathered Physically and Mentally. You are Far More than that. When you go Beyond the Five Senses with ‘Inner Engineering’ you really start to experience the Magic and Wonder of Life. When you Turn Inwards you will see for Your-Self 🙏
Why go to the local mechanic or tinkerer to get an issue fixed when you can go directly to the Manufacturer instead. Just experience the Source Of Your Creation with 'Inner Engineering' and everything that needs fixing will get fixed 🙏 🧘♂️
One has to see themselves as a Computer. Your Body is the Hardware and your Mind is the Software. But you need Electricity/Energy to power everything. With ‘Inner Engineering’ you supply yourself with the Purest Energy to stay Aligned, Blissful and Joyful. When your Energies are Aligned people around you will think you are Super-Human, but You are Not. You have just Realised being Human is Super!
Sadhguru and Plant Medicines showed me:
‘The Only Way Out Is In’
My blessings to you All 🙏
I Wish you use towoisin.com to find Inner Peace and Joy like I have 🙏